pokeybooks13
spontaneousmusicalnumber:

chusovitina:

hanamon:

kanaya-maryam-is-dead:

angryvriska:

cyberacat:

youtastedalektable:


she had a tough time getting out of the block pit

IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN I A BLOCK PIT THEN YOU DONT KNWO THE FEAR. IT SUCKS YOU IN DEEPER AS YOU TRY TO MOVE. IT’S LIKE THE MUGGLE’S DEVIL’S SNARE MAN.

YOU HAVE TO USE ALL YOUR STRENGTH TO GET OUT OF THOSE FUCKERS
OKAY
I HAVE BEEN IN ONE AND ITS LIKE SWIMMING IF YOU DON’T STOP MOVING YOU EITHER FLOAT OR SINK THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN

WE HAD THESE WHEN I USED TO BE IN GYMNASTICS AND I HATED THESE FUCKING THINGS THEY SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

I ONCE GOT STUCK AT THE BOTTOM OF ONE OF THESE AND WHEN PEOPLE CAME TO LOOK FOR ME, I GOT STEPPED ON TWICE

so when i was seven i got stuck at the bottom of one and i blacked out. apparently it took them 45 minutes to empty the pit enough to find me. my therapist believes this is why i have claustrophobia.

At least she’s face up. The worst is when you go in head first. I’ve been pulled out by my toes several times.

#FRIENDS I HAVE SOME ADVICE FOR YOU#DO NOT TRY TO WALK OR SWIM OUT OF A BLOCK PIT#GET YOURSELF HORIZONTAL#AND THEN ROLL OUT#IT WORKS JUST LIKE TANK TREADS GOING OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN#ITS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET SOME TRACTION AND NOT GET SUCKED BACK IN
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST YOU UN-ATHLETIC FRICKERS
DONT PANIC
TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT

spontaneousmusicalnumber:

chusovitina:

hanamon:

kanaya-maryam-is-dead:

angryvriska:

cyberacat:

youtastedalektable:

she had a tough time getting out of the block pit

IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN I A BLOCK PIT THEN YOU DONT KNWO THE FEAR. IT SUCKS YOU IN DEEPER AS YOU TRY TO MOVE. IT’S LIKE THE MUGGLE’S DEVIL’S SNARE MAN.

YOU HAVE TO USE ALL YOUR STRENGTH TO GET OUT OF THOSE FUCKERS

OKAY

I HAVE BEEN IN ONE AND ITS LIKE SWIMMING IF YOU DON’T STOP MOVING YOU EITHER FLOAT OR SINK THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN

WE HAD THESE WHEN I USED TO BE IN GYMNASTICS AND I HATED THESE FUCKING THINGS THEY SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME

I ONCE GOT STUCK AT THE BOTTOM OF ONE OF THESE AND WHEN PEOPLE CAME TO LOOK FOR ME, I GOT STEPPED ON TWICE

so when i was seven i got stuck at the bottom of one and i blacked out. apparently it took them 45 minutes to empty the pit enough to find me. my therapist believes this is why i have claustrophobia.

At least she’s face up. The worst is when you go in head first. I’ve been pulled out by my toes several times.

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST YOU UN-ATHLETIC FRICKERS

DONT PANIC

TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT

pokeybooks13
dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life. (Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

dandraco:

hollyoakhill:

do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared

All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.

The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.

And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)

At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.

This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.

This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.

And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."

And then there is this:

Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.

And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.

And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.

TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.

the-knight-of-puns

anarchistlovesongs:

perksofahunter:

Why is it men always want to turn the extra room into a man-cave? 

Screw you I’m turning that room into a lady cave. I’m going to go in there and read romance novels, crochet, preform witchcraft, scrap book, pet a cat, worship satan, and complain to my friends that you’re not satisfying me sexually. You can go fuck yourself. 

This post haunts me.

the-knight-of-puns
thegreenwolf:

ohcorny:

so this is what i ended up with for the “make your audience angry” assignment
i dont know about ya’ll but that phrase pisses me right the hell off

Side tip: if anyone ever grabs your hair like the above, clamp one hand HARD down on your scalp where the hair is coming out (think of how you try to immobilize your hair when brushing tangles out so it doesn’t hurt as bad, only do so at the scalp and not further down the hair). Then use your other hand to start hitting the other person (go for the face!) and blocking any blows they may try to make with their free hand. You can also step into them (which removes the tension on your hair) and start throwing your knees into their groin, stomach, kick the side of their knee, etc. 
The reason hair-pulling works is A) it HURTS and B) it’s an effective handle, especially because your instinct is going to be to pull away. But reduce the pain and the tension on the hair and you have more room to work with until the other person lets go, at which point you can run like hell or otherwise defend yourself as needed.

thegreenwolf:

ohcorny:

so this is what i ended up with for the “make your audience angry” assignment

i dont know about ya’ll but that phrase pisses me right the hell off

Side tip: if anyone ever grabs your hair like the above, clamp one hand HARD down on your scalp where the hair is coming out (think of how you try to immobilize your hair when brushing tangles out so it doesn’t hurt as bad, only do so at the scalp and not further down the hair). Then use your other hand to start hitting the other person (go for the face!) and blocking any blows they may try to make with their free hand. You can also step into them (which removes the tension on your hair) and start throwing your knees into their groin, stomach, kick the side of their knee, etc. 

The reason hair-pulling works is A) it HURTS and B) it’s an effective handle, especially because your instinct is going to be to pull away. But reduce the pain and the tension on the hair and you have more room to work with until the other person lets go, at which point you can run like hell or otherwise defend yourself as needed.